


We All Fall Down

by nisakomi



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-29
Updated: 2012-08-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 23:36:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5352629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nisakomi/pseuds/nisakomi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yixing plays music. Lu Han plays games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We All Fall Down

**Author's Note:**

> definitely watch [this ceci magazine photoshoot bts](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EkYxRe-dts) first. not only was this fic inspired by these scenes, it is a fantastic video.

  
Every morning, Lu Han takes the subway to campus. He chooses an empty seat free of crumbs, garbage, or folded newspapers and sits down before laying his briefcase across his lap. He thumbs through his Blackberry quickly to check for new messages, before opening a copy of _The Globe_ and perusing it carefully. Once he’s finished, he turns to the puzzle section.  
   
He always begins with the cryptic crossword. It’s challenging and familiar, as he pencils in ‘ELECTRONIC’ for “Like a robot? Give your tick to old Regan, 99 (10)” and ‘SHRILL’ for “Brook, quiet at first, took on a high note (6)”. Lu Han completes these while everyone around him hustles and bustles, trying to make appointments, deadlines, and get out of the morning rush crowd. Public transportation seems to ruffle everyone else’s feathers. But not Lu Han’s. They stay sleek and prim.  
   
It’s much the same at school. Right as crunch week begins, Lu Han puts down the phones to clients, shuffles all of the papers on his desk into neat and semi-organized stacks, before taking a reprieve as everyone finishes last minute preparations for the final presentation. Usually, it’s a venti coffee that he sips slowly as people run around the library, popping their head into various dorms, shoot off emails and have brief but polite phone conversations. People rush to and fro, but Lu Han sits calmly in his room, in front of his laptop, and takes a slow breath.  
   
As a business student, Lu Han has always had a bit of a natural flair. He knows how to work his words and layer flattery and honesty together to really sell his sales pitches and charm buyers into becoming regular investors. But it’s not just the language and communication he’s good at. He has foresight and a good eye, can research products until he has reached a mostly comprehensive understanding. The numbers that sit in spreadsheets, tiny black lines on the screen, hurt his eyes but make perfect sense in his head.  
   
In other words, he’s a natural, who doesn’t have to work for it. It’s easy, and he loves it. He loves his classes and his teachers, loves working on assignments and the rush of completing (virtual) deals. The strong test performances are a big bonus and the huge network he’s amassed as a result of his work, internships, friends and acquaintances make him feel on top of the world. His fingers feel like they were meant to fly across tiny keys on his phone, and he thinks he’s probably been building up to smooth talking clients for his entire life.  
   
Many of his classmates envy the marks he receives while still maintaining his status as the resident party boy. A beer pong champion, he flits from group to group, projecting the image of a well-pampered and intelligent socialite. Everyone who’s anyone knows Lu Han, and anyone who wants to be anyone knows Lu Han. At college, anyway. He’s had the senior girls giggling at him since he was a sophomore, and the respect of his classmates from his very first day of university. Teachers are regularly impressed and his huge friends list on Facebook makes him _the_ guy to know.  
   
   
   
   
It is only natural that a guy like Lu Han has a string of ex-lovers and even more romantic hopefuls. In fact, it is probably safe to say that everyone who has ever met him has at some point had a crush on him. But most of these crushes are never confessed, even more are simply forgotten, and those who try seem always to be rejected.  
   
Zhang Yixing has had one of those crushes. Yixing is a music major, specifically in piano performance. He meets Lu Han at a party one Friday night when they’re both in junior year. It’s after an excruciatingly long day of harmonic theory pedagogy. Yixing had chord resolutions and progressions down when he was about fourteen years old, and he expects it of the students he’s teaching, which is an unfounded expectation. The teaching is frustrating so he attends the party to wind down.  
   
Lu Han makes him feel warm and comfortable, and reminds him of home. When Lu Han stretches his body to cover Yixing’s lap late in the night (or maybe it was early in the morning), it is the beginning of a long and close-knit friendship, but he isn’t in love yet.  
   
They text irregularly, when Lu Han isn’t busy handling more important affairs from his phone, and meet up once in a while whenever both of them have free time. This is rather rare, because when Yixing isn’t teaching, going to class, finishing homework, or composing, he’s at the piano practicing for so many hours that he loses count. It’s an hour-long recital that he has to put on at the end of the semester, and that whole hour has to be perfect. So his preparation is difficult from the get go, and stays that way.  
   
Yixing would compare their friendship to learning a Chopin etude. It’s a long and difficult process, easy to sort of get but difficult to fine tune. And it isn’t until months later that you really feel comfortable, but when you’re finally polished, the reward is insurmountably satisfying.   
   
   
   
   
   
When they do find time together, Yixing falls in love through the briefest of meetings, and later on, even further in love through long nights.  
   
Sitting in a quiet café a ways from the campus but near Yixing’s apartment, they share stories of their childhood and laugh quietly behind their hands. Lu Han sets his phone aside for an entire hour, and they sip their drinks leisurely. Between common interests in pop idols and similar favourites in classical literature, they get to know each other. And after all of the noncommittal topics, all of the prerequisite safeties, they begin to talk about their current selves.  
   
Yixing learns about Lu Han’s classmates and even gets to meet a few.  
   
Kris is a studious worker, with a serious face and even more serious efficiency. Lu Han has reportedly never seen Kris procrastinate, or accept an offer to go do anything remotely fun. The only time Kris has not responded, “Maybe next time,” to a proposition was to tutor a cute freshman named Zitao, who had an awful time in calculus for someone who graduated top of his class in math and science in high school.  
   
Zitao now trails along to their parties, becoming Kris’ shadow. It’s up to Yixing and Lu Han to poke and prod them together, slowly dissolving their masks, and encouraging them to be open with each other. And when they end up a pair, Zitao smiling shyly at Kris, Yixing and Lu Han celebrate together.  
   
When Kris’ eyebrows are not furrowed, he can be known to crack jokes and tell embarrassing stories about Lu Han’s childhood, which Yixing relishes. Slowly, Yixing learns not to be terrified by the perpetually stoic face Kris maintains, and read the soft lines in his face and warmth in his eyes. He also begins to more deeply understand Lu Han.  
   
While Yixing would have initially assumed that Kris’ stature and general appearance would frighten off potential clients, Kris is simply taken more seriously than the rest of the students in the class because of his no-nonsense attitude and stern demeanour. Yixing simply laughs, open and not without kindness, and they compare the pitch styles of Kris and Lu Han.  
   
Yixing also meets Minseok, a shrewd and gentle character, who takes jokes in stride and keeps up in his courses through hard work and perseverance. There’s a vulnerability to his face that Yixing can’t quite place because Minseok looks and acts far from innocent. He’s talented, but doesn’t flaunt it the way Lu Han does. Instead, he applies himself in order to be the best he can be, and Yixing finds that to be the most admirable trait that any of them have.  
   
In turn, Yixing introduces Jongdae to the others. Jongdae is calm and composed, but a bit of a diva. His cheekbones are sharp enough to cut glass, and his throat and vocal chords should probably be insured. As a voice major, he spends a lot of his time drinking anything but coffee, and even more time humming in the hallways, the dorms, and the cafeteria. Yixing accidentally walked into his practice room one day, mistaking the 301 for 307. Hooked on Jongdae’s voice, he awkwardly clapped and introduced himself instead of leaving. Jongdae simply giggled at him, before shaking his head and inviting him in. It was only after Yixing invited Jongdae to watch him practice one day that he noticed the snarky streak in him.  
   
Through all of it, Yixing and Lu Han form a bond that the others don’t seem to be able to reach. They have the same giggling amusement at just about everything, playing jokes on others and keeping inside jokes to themselves. They have coffee dates where they share the latest gossip and go to the barber together. Yixing understands the importance of a best friend.  
   
   
   
   
The first party they all attend together is Minseok’s Christmas party. Someone rigs an entire Secret Santa game so that no one has to buy expensive presents for everyone, and they drink beer from bottles while eating the Korean food Minseok spends days preparing.  
  
They’re sitting together, watching some traditional Christmas movie that Minseok has pulled out from nowhere. He stands, leaning on a shelf, with the bowl of chips that he went to pick up forgotten in his hands. Kris is sitting on the armrest, with Zitao on the couch beside him. Jongdae, on Zitao’s other side, is too busy eating and drinking to notice what’s happening on the television screen. When Yixing reaches over the table to steal some kimchi from Jongdae, he notices Lu Han’s face, enraptured by whatever Father Christmas is saying, mouth slightly open, eyes shining and bright, legs cross legged and arms hugging a pillow to his chest.  
   
This is when Yixing first falls in love.  
   
The night ends in a food fight when Kris picks up a handful of chips from Minseok’s arms and gets food everywhere leading Minseok to throw a chip at Kris’ face. He misses, and hits Zitao in the ear. Zitao frowns, before flinging a piece of radish at Minseok, which lands on Yixing’s arm and then sooner or later someone yells food fight and there is onion and ginger and hot sauce and left over noodles everywhere (somehow, Jongdae has managed to salvage all the kimchi and eat it before anyone could throw it at people).  
   
When they clean up the mess they’ve made, movie forgotten, Minseok looks morosely down at the food they’ve wasted and in his frustration, flicks hot sauce into Kris’ eye. It starts again.  
   
They all sleep over, futons lined across the floor, everyone shoved tightly together under blankets with the heater cranked up. Jongdae starts humming Jingle Bell Rock just as everyone’s almost asleep, and Yixing throws a sock at him.  
   
“I refuse to room with you next year,” he says solemnly.  
   
“Fine, see if I care. I’ll stay with Minseok and then you won’t have anyone at all.” Jongdae replies before sticking out his tongue.  
   
“Just room with me then,” Lu Han says sleepily.  
   
“Yes, done, deal.” Yixing says, grinning.  
   
Later that night, when Lu Han pushes Yixing off the mattress with a firm kick, Yixing looks at Lu Han’s sleeping form, moonlight the only thing that helps him see soft cheeks, small nose, long eyelashes and an adorable mouth. Yixing doesn’t have the heart to yell at him for forcing him off, much less go back on his word about being roommates.  
   
   
   
   
Everyone attends the music recitals. Technically, they are examination rooms, but an invited audience is permitted. Jongdae and Yixing invite everyone, and Yixing manages to fulfill an accompaniment credit by playing one song alongside Jongdae. Jongdae looks striking as he sings, hair gelled and styled to the side, black dress shirt not buttoned up all the way and white pants moulded to his legs. Yixing himself is wearing a pale blue dress shirt and black dress pants. They look like they are the inverse of each other dark, light, light, dark.  
   
Their friends sit in the back row, all dressed nicely for the occasion. None of them are strangers to formal wear, and Yixing’s breath catches a little bit at the sight of Lu Han in a suit. He has to adjust his tie a little bit so he can focus on himself and remember to breathe. Jongdae sings with the same cutting quality as his cheekbones, slicing the air with sharp notes, and glistening vibratos. It’s warm and pure sounding, the kind of voice that is memorable and powerful, but all the same soothing on the ears. The adjudicators don’t applaud, but they look damn impressed.  
   
Yixing takes several deep breaths before he can begin. He’s lucky because he’s had the chance to play the piano for an entire song before he has to begin his actual performance. At any rate, he’s worried he’ll mess something up and upturn months of serious rehearsal and time spent preparing. When he starts, his fears appear unfounded because his fingers find the keys and his emotions leak from the strings of the piano, filling the hall with tinkling melodies, haunting chords, rich bass, and strong rhythms. The notes come out strongly, demonstrating a firm touch, but with such care and finesse that is only possible to create when you are patient and gentle enough to coax out the best sound. Yixing plays. Yixing plays richly, warmly, beautifully, and everyone’s eyes are on him.  
   
Lu Han applauds him and claps a hand to his shoulder after he’s done, eyes full of pride and smile genuine.  
   
The after party is at the home of a senior student, a violin major with magical fingers and a strangely strong dance background. When the chant out encores, Henry agrees to continue the tradition of having all the seniors play a farewell piece. They watch him play one last tune on his electric violin, and he moonwalks his way through the goodbye song.  
   
Yixing notices that more rooming arrangements have been made. Kris is sitting alone in a large leather armchair that seems to amplify his intimidation factor, and Zitao is chatting with others, but Yixing notices a key hanging off a chain on Zitao’s neck and thinks it looks suspiciously like the one that Kris uses to get into his ancient manor house apartment. And unless Zitao suddenly picked up a lot of cash from nowhere, Yixing’s willing to bet money that he’s recently moved in with Kris.  
   
   
   
   
Move in day is a stressful experience. They load Yixing’s stuff into the back of Minseok’s old car, but it breaks down along the way and they have to drag everything out of the trunk in order for the repair shop to tow the car away. They’re left stranded for several hours in the heat until Kris can get to them to help. When they’ve finally arrived at Lu Han’s, they’re both pouring buckets of sweat and neither of them really wants to carry up all the boxes.  
   
Kris helps them after much grumbling, until all of Yixing’s stuff is stacked neatly in one room. After Kris leaves, Lu Han playfully shoves Yixing onto a sofa and hands him a can of beer.  
   
“I think that’s enough for one day, don’t you?” Lu Han says, before crawling almost entirely onto Yixing’s lap and turning on the TV.  
   
Yixing stills himself, and tries not to breathe too hard. He focuses on the dialogue of some idol-focused drama, willing the characters and scenes to be distracting enough so that he doesn’t focus on the hot and heavy weight of Lu Han in his lap. During a commercial break, Lu Han turns to look at Yixing intently and while he’s uncomfortably aware of being scrutinized, he doesn’t meet Lu Han’s eyes.  
   
They tease each other the entire night, sharing their troubles and concerns as well as amused and silly stories. They trade tales of adventures and swap comedic events. And when they clink their cups of tea, like wine glasses, Yixing thinks he would have it no other way.  
   
   
   
   
   
It’s silly but mere days after Lu Han and Yixing move in together, Yixing sits down at the piano bench and bangs out some of his favourite classical piano love songs including a large part of Liszt’s Liebestraum, some of Schumann’s Carnaval, and all three movements of Beethoven’s 14th piano sonata “Quasi una fantasia” before pulling out sheets and sheets of staff paper and writing until his fingers can’t find keys and the melodies in his head are out of control.  
   
When he’s finished, the piece is unpolished but emotional and raw. It makes him think of a cat and a mouse running for their lives. He titles it “Chase”.  
   
Lu Han is not one to be chased; rather, he is the chaser.  
   
Yixing knows this. He knows this, even as he giggles to something Lu Han says beside him. He knows that he’s being flirted with, and carefully fingers the stem of his champagne flute before chugging it all back and turning to press his mouth against Lu Han’s. The kiss is whimsical, all lips and no tongue. Yixing pulls back breathlessly, knowing that he’s made a mistake but feeling no sense of regret.  
   
Lu Han looks at him before laughing and pulling him in for another kiss. This time there’s more fireworks. Lu Han licks Yixing’s bottom lip before grasping Yixing’s chin with one hand and cupping his face with the other. He slides his tongue in and Yixing presses back experimentally twirling his tongue around Lu Han’s twice before pulling back.  
   
Lu Han’s eyes are hungry when they pull Yixing in again, and Yixing doesn’t question anything, just bites gently at Lu Han’s lip before pressing their mouths tightly together, relishing the sensation. They release to pull shirts off of each other, moving quickly from mouth to jaw to neck, leaving bruising kisses and sucking harshly on each other’s skin.  
   
They fall onto Lu Han’s bed and Yixing licks one of Lu Han’s nipples languidly and then the other, before kissing his way down to Lu Han’s pants, leaving a trail of saliva along the way. He tears off Lu Han’s belt with sheer force of will before mouthing at his cock through the cotton.  
   
A groan escapes Lu Han’s mouth before he shoves Yixing off and deftly removes all of Yixing’s clothing. Before he really has a handle on the situation, Yixing’s dick is already in Lu Han’s mouth and he thinks it’s totally unfair that Lu Han can look so good with his cheeks hollowed. It’s absolutely not right that he can still look sweet and angelic while licking at Yixing’s slit and probing with his tongue. It is impossible that Lu Han would be able to have that much control with his mouth, and not gag at Yixing’s hips bucking up. And still, Lu Han’s lips are glistening and red and he looks positively ecstatic.  
   
Lu Han releases Yixing in order to reach somewhere for a bottle of lube. He coats his fingers liberally before preparing himself, sliding in first one finger, and then two, before scissoring them slowly. His moan sends a shiver through Yixing, signalling him to slick up his cock.  
   
They fuck per Lu Han’s instructions. It begins slowly until Yixing feels a build up deep within him. Lu Han’s mouth is absolutely filthy, and his voice is breathy and lower than usual as he speaks. By the time Yixing’s close, Lu Han is nearly there too, and from that point on, no coherent words form in Lu Han’s mouth. The end is wild and fast paced but the entire time that Yixing is thrusting into him, he has a distinct feeling that it is Lu Han who is in control.  
   
Later, when they’re cleaned up and Lu Han is curled up on the bed beside him, Yixing will think that the entire relationship feels like it is right under Lu Han’s thumb. It’s not a feeling of manipulation so much as the sense that Lu Han has everything calculated down to the last penny. It’s as if Lu Han’s actions are carefully planned with an intended outcome, and all of Yixing’s reactions are completely prepared for. The feeling is a little bit chilling.  
   
That night, when Yixing feels two feet firmly press into his thigh and push him until he rolls off the bed, he thinks back to that Christmas at Minseok’s when their rooming was planned. He thinks of what a stupid metaphor this is. No one, absolutely no one, can stay in Lu Han’s bed.  
   
   
   
   
Nothing changes. Yixing hasn’t expected anything to change. Lu Han and him seem to mesh together well. While Lu Han isn’t the kind of person who goes out of his way or enjoys cleaning, he does have a preference for neatness. And when he notices things unfolded or unwashed, Lu Han will usually tidy up for Yixing.  
   
In return, Yixing takes over meals. He throws out the unopened microwave dinners from Lu Han’s fridge, and goes grocery shopping. He makes sure always to have fresh fruit and vegetables, as well as rice and some meat. Whenever he knows he won’t have time to cook, he makes sure there’s left overs for Lu Han to warm up. It’s a balance.  
   
Sometimes, Yixing spends too long at the piano, forgetting about the time until he gets a call from Lu Han, reminding him about dinner. Those days, Lu Han waits at home with steamed dumplings and feeds him as much as he can eat before he slides into sleep. Yixing never spends another night in Lu Han’s bed. (“I just can’t share. It’s nothing personal, but my bed is my own bubble, you know?”) But when he wakes up in his own room, he’s certain that he must have somehow been carried and tucked in by Lu Han and that domesticity warms his heart.  
   
For the first time in a while, Yixing feels like his life has clicked into place.  
   
   
   
   
   
The business students have a fair for a midterm assignment. It’s a black tie affair and everyone looks incredibly smart in suits. Kris looks immaculate as always, and ends up winning a prestigious award and some kind of work placement deal. Zitao looks like’s met God. Every time he makes an ego inflating comment, Lu Han has to respond with an embarrassing or snarky comment to make sure Kris doesn’t get too proud.  
   
Lu Han, for his part, has a lot to smile about. He’s made a good impression on some big names, and has landed himself another internship. When Yixing’s told, he promptly tugs Lu Han’s tie to bring them closer together for a rather passionate kiss. It’s filled with promises of what’s to come and Yixing absolutely can’t wait.  
   
Funnily, Yixing doesn’t remember much of that night. He remembers arching backs, curled toes, and long held breaths. He can imagine the ghost of fingers on his skin, can remember gooseflesh from the cold, and almost taste Lu Han’s mouth. His lower half is still sore and sitting down makes him feel tender, but he can’t quite see, try as he might, what Lu Han looked like on top of him.  
   
The next day at lunch, Yixing is still trying to remember, when Kris snaps his fingers in front of his face.  
   
“You’re spacing out,” Kris says blankly, “Don’t forget about the Christmas party at our place. Do you remember your Secret Santa recipient?”  
   
Yixing nods. It’s unlikely that he could ever forget. When he drew Lu Han’s name out of the hat, he almost couldn’t contain his excitement. There was something that Lu Han had been talking about wanting for ages, nose just touching the glass as he peered at a pair of Burberry cufflinks. They were square, silver, and incredibly sleek. They screamed business and class, and suited Lu Han perfectly.  
   
And at 350 bucks a pair, they didn’t come cheap. But they were worth it, Yixing thinks, as he hums, leaving the store. He swings the bag beside him gently; feeling like the world was smiling down on him. Yixing prints Lu Han’s name carefully on a gift tag, trying to remove all signs that it was him who purchased the present. When he attaches the tag to the bag, he hears keys in the door, and quickly shoves the gift into a small corner to hide it.  
   
He didn’t bring the bag out again until it was time to leave for Kris and Tao’s place, stashing it carefully into a large cloth bag filled with food and booze. When they arrive at the doorstep, Yixing turns to look at Lu Han.  
   
“Ready for the madness?” He asks, before straightening out Lu Han’s waistcoat.  
   
“As ready as ever,” Lu Han responds, before leaning in to peck Yixing on the cheek.  
   
Yixing blushes as he walks into the house. Lu Han greets everyone in a singsong voice, sending Christmas cheer in everyone’s way. Someone has pulled out an old Wii console and they play video games for most of the night. Yixing swallows thickly when Lu Han rolls up the sleeves of his white dress shirt for a game of DDR. Jongdae looks at him sharply as if noticing discomfort, before realizing and easing into a smile.  
   
The rest of the night is a bit of a blur, lost in a ton of alcohol.  
   
It’s when he is stumbling around to look for his phone that Yixing notices Lu Han’s missing presence.  
   
“Has anyone seen where Lu Han’s gone?” He asks, slurring his words as he hides his gift behind his back.  
   
“Yeah. Some. Sometime earlier, with Minseok.” Kris mumbles from his position with his head on the counter. Zitao is already asleep on Kris’ lap. Kris tries to raise his head to face Yixing before feeling dizzy and lowering the bottle in his hand as well as his head back to the counter.  
   
“Saw them at, a, table? Table. Together. Feeding. Lu Han was feeding him. Or well, pretending.”  
   
“What?” Yixing asks, perplexed.  
   
“He went like this,” Kris mimes feeding Zitao but pulling back his hand at the last moment. “And then. Offered, waved away. Cute. It was cute,” Kris finishes before finally passing out.  
   
Yixing clenches his teeth together before Jongdae speaks up.  
   
“Just call them, the phone’s on the table,” His voice sharp as he points off to the side.  
   
Yixing stutters his thanks before walking over to lean against the back of an armchair. He picks up the ivory antique phone and spins the dial to call Lu Han’s cellphone, a number he has memorized from heart. After a few rings, there’s a click and loud rustling noises.  
   
“Hello?” Yixing asks into the phone. The only response he gets is the shuffling of clothes and giggling. He frowns.  
   
“Hello?” He says, trying again. Suddenly he becomes aware of the panting in the background followed by a loud slurping sound. And the realization dawns on him that he’s hearing people having sex. He’s hearing Lu Han having sex. He’s hearing Lu Han having sex with Minseok. And the world shatters. He sits there for a while, the phone resting in his hand, while he looks blankly ahead of him. The sounds of fucking are somewhat audible through the phone, but Yixing doesn’t hear. When he finally puts the phone back, he doesn’t let himself cry.  
   
He dashes clumsily into the room before shoving his gift for Lu Han into Jongdae’s arms.  
   
“Give this to Lu Han. Don’t say who it’s from.”  
   
“Yixing –”  
   
But Yixing’s gone into the cold of the night, wrapping his jacket tightly around him to protect against the wind, and when he gets home he sleeps like a log.  
   
The worst part about the next morning is that there’s no hangover. So Yixing can perfectly remember everything he heard, and every detail about what happened. And whatever he and Lu Han shared prior is like a slap in the face. He feels strangely like going through the music he’s composed since meeting Lu Han, and remembers the ending he wrote to “The Chase”. It’s turmoil, a loud foreboding chord progression that doesn’t explain if the mouse is dead from the chase or if the cat is injured from chasing the mouse. A piece ending in a question. Yixing feels like laughing, but the sound is hollow.  
   
   
   
   
The next several months are uncomfortable. Yixing and Lu Han barely interact. At first, Lu Han tries to talk to him, but after Yixing blows him off one too many times, he gives up all attempts. So they work without ever seeing each other, Lu Han trying to ace his final projects and exams for grad school, Yixing pouring himself into his music. He stays in his piano room until the early hours of the morning, getting home only after Lu Han is asleep. And in this way they avoid each other until the senior music recital.  
   
It’s what Yixing’s been building up to for four years, and Jongdae invites everyone. So naturally, Yixing has to invite everyone too. He confronts Jongdae first.  
   
“I don’t know, it might be a good chance for you guys to talk things out?”  
   
“Talk what out?” Yixing bites.  
   
   
   
   
   
That morning, Yixing wakes up and puts on white pants and a white dress shirt. He finishes off with black suspenders and a ring of eyeliner around his eyes. Once he’s presentable, he sits down and ghosts the keys with his fingers. If the years spent in the piano room in the first place weren’t enough, then the last few months locked up and without any thoughts other than music were definitely an edge. He leaves for the recital hall feeling prepared.  
   
Yixing performs with grace and execution. He feels the melancholy of the romantic era and understands it in his bones. He delights in the dance and melodic elements of the classical era, and the urgency for flair in the baroque era. And when he understands all of the elements that he’s been building together for this one performance – a bit of a make or break, he knows he has it in the bag.  
   
The adjudicators actually do applaud at the end, and Yixing wants to scream in happiness. It’s all over, years of build up finally culminating and coming together here, today, and he’s never felt better.  
   
Until he sees Minseok and Lu Han waiting for him in his backstage room.  
   
“Yixing, please don’t leave.”  
   
“What?”  
   
“I know those cufflinks were from you – you never realized exactly how much cleaning I did for you, did you?” Lu Han asks.  
   
“Can I just, have this moment to myself, you know, a great ending, before you come and destroy it?”  
   
“God, Lu Han, I told you this was not a good time.” Minseok says.  
   
Yixing glares at him.  
   
“No, we have to do this now. I wanted to apologize for not understanding. For not taking things seriously. I, well with Minseok it wasn’t serious. And with you it was, but, but I didn’t realize – I didn’t realize how serious things were with you until it was too late. Until Minseok pointed it out actually. And I just. Yixing, we were best friends. And I might have loved you. Still love you.”  
   
Yixing glares harder at the two of them.  
   
“I have cookies,” Minseok says carefully, “And we’re not fucking. I’m sorry, by the way.”  
   
Yixing graciously accepts the box of cookies.  
   
“I’m not forgiving you,” he says coldly before looking pointedly at the door.  
   
Minseok scuttles out quickly, head down, and Lu Han sighs before following him.  
   
   
   
   
   
At the after party, Yixing mingles with the other music students and is congratulated more often than he can count. He’s pleasantly buzzed and happy that college is over, so he can move on with his life. When it’s almost time to play the farewell song for each senior, Yixing makes his way across the apartment.  
   
He feels someone tugging on his arm and turns around to see Lu Han, who is obviously drunk and grinning like an idiot.  
   
“Xingtuo,” He says before giggling.  
   
“Lu Han, get off,” he says seriously before tugging his arm back. Lu Han just latches on and clings and Yixing has to give a firm shake before he can get to the piano. For the entire week, he had planned to play a joke piece. He was thinking Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, to gage the audience’s reaction, before delving into a Mozart. But after the encounter, Yixing’s heart is blazing and his eyes are set.  
   
He plays the composition he composed for no one, has shared with no one, but which can only be for one person.  
   
The chase gives way, starting slow and building up. It begins as a fun piece, light and bouncy, with a joyous feel. And then the tension builds. The hunt is on, scurrying feet, flittering bodies. The tempo picks up and dynamics rise, crescendos to a loud cluster chord – CRASH.  
   
The final chords are as mysterious as ever in Yixing’s heart. There’s a lilt to them, a feeling that is eerily similar to the theme song from Jaws. It’s anticipation, confusion, a question, anxiety, unknown. Isn’t the unknown the scariest thing?  
   
When he gets up to bow, everyone around him is laughing, hearts racing, as if they themselves have been on a marathon run, looking for something, searching deeply or running away, fleeing in a most frightened state. Which is exactly what Yixing feels like.  
   
As the others clap, Yixing feels a tug on his arm again. It’s Lu Han, but this time he doesn’t resist and lets himself be pulled away into a secluded corner as the party around them continues on.  
   
“I’m sorry,” Lu Han whispers morosely, “I. You. I’m staying in the city next year, doing a work-study placement before I go back to school. And I heard you were doing your master’s here in performance and I was thinking. That room, the apartment, we never concluded discussions and we could. Um. I don’t know, start again? I don’t want to lose you as a friend, Xingtuo.”  
   
In that moment, Yixing thinks deeply. He hears music notes in his ears. It’s the sound of a cadence, the kind that happens after a climax. It’s a question, not a statement.  
   
Does the cat catch the mouse? Or does the mouse get away?  
  
  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:**

> with thanks to g and m.


End file.
